[Turf Toes]

Top Ten Ways to Convince a cop you deserve a ticket:

1. Ask the officer to hold your beer while you get your license out of your wallet.

2. Roll your window down only one inch, push your license through mail-slot fashion, and tell the officer to speak louder.

3. Stop at the edge of the lane, leaving him exactly one foot of shoulder to stand on.

4. Leave your heavily tinted front window all the way up when the officer approaches, and lower the window only after he raps on the glass. When you lower the window, make sure your stereo system is set to the loudest, and that it is playing something like "Fuck the Police". Laugh when the sound blast knocks him backward.

5. Before he says the first word, ask him, "What's the problem?"

6. Argue with him - tell him you couldn't have been speeding because you had the cruise control on.

7. Ask him how he picked you out of all the crowd of speeders around you.

8. Tell him you pay his salary.

9. Tell him you know his boss, the governor, the mayor, or some other prominent person.

10. Rummage through your glove box for five full minutes, while the officer stands waiting in pouring rain.