Funniest Thing I Have Ever Read!!

[mr_meanor]

ok I found this on another board and it might be the funniest thing I have ever read, fyi I did not write this, enjoy!!!

Hi everyone. I'm twitch (Olly Whinnett). I got banned for flaming YellowJacket. My friends nicknamed me twitch because I am a very hyper person. Anyway I'm 18 yrs old and been bodybuilding for 3 months. I need some serious help. The first day I got stuck underneath the bar. They told me it was 45 pounds. Jesus it was heavy. I managed to slide out from underneath it but I have to find a way to increase my strength. They told me to drink coffee before I work out but I seem to get too nervous. Please help."

"I weigh 120lbs and this really big guy at the gym told me if I want to get strong and put on weight I have to follow him around the gym and put his weights away when he's finished. I am scared of him so I said ok. The problem I'm having is that the 45lbs round thing is too heavy for me to put back. He and his friends laugh at me but I eventually get it done. Today when I did it I had to force really hard and some pee came out. I was really embarassed because I had a little wet spot the size of a quarter down there. Everyone was staring at me but no one said nothing. Has this ever happened to you?"

"Ya laugh it up tough guys. Just because you're all bigger than me doesn't give you the right to look down on me.
I really could use some help though in dealing with these guys. I don't know what to do anymore. When I am in the locker room changing and they are around me they always walk around naked. One guys is really big down there and if I look he starts calling me gay and asks if I want to touch it sarastically. I mean it's not my fault. He is really big and I look at of curiosity. I feel like changing gym but this one is very close to my house so I am trying to find a solution. Can you guys give me some advice on what to do? What would you do in my shoes?"

"Well thank you for all that are defending me. You bring tears to my eyes. If you were members at my gym I would gladly put away all your weights for you.

Sadly though my situation is not getting better. These guys have taken me under their wings in a bad sort of way. We still have a steam room where I train so today they told me it was time to see what a steam room felt like. I was curious so I said ok. They all went in nude but I kept my underwear on. What a mistake it was to go in with them.
I had to sit in a corner. Within minutes my white underwear soaked through with sweat and my penis started to show. I got embarrassed so I crossed my legs and again came all the gay comments. I just shrugged them off and tried to relax. Then the guy with the big one was lying in front of me. It was odd to see his thing when it was all sweaty. It seemed to have gotten even bigger than it usually was. I felt kind of jealous as it was almost as thick as my wrist. The girls must love him. As I was thinking of all of this I heard some muttering so I looked up and they were all staring at me staring at his thing. Then came more comments. I tried to laugh but they didn't stop. They all got up and one guy pissed on the rocks while the others filed out. As I was getting up to leave they pushed me back down and locked the door behind them. What a horrible smell that came from those rocks. I was going to vomit but I resisted.
After about 10 minutes of this the owner wandered by and opend the door. He told me off for pissing on the rocks. I told him it wasn't me but he didn't seem to hear me. None of those guys were there when I came out. I will go a little earlier tomorrow and hope none of them are there.
Everyone kept looking at me on the bus because I smelled of burned pee. I went home and took a shower and played Culture Club until I fell asleep."

"You guys are so lucky. I don't even know if I have a fetish. I know I like to masterbate though. Every time I do it I squeeze my cats nipples while closing my eyes and I pretend it's that pretty girl in geography. It doesn't work to well as my cat starts licking my hand and I get turned off.
I once masterbated at school. I was in the stock room where they keep all the video equipment. When I had to orgasm I had no where to put it so I did it in my underwear. It wasn't too bad. It felt a little uncomfortable at first but about a half hour later it dried up. Whenever I walked though the hair that was stuck to the inside of my underwear would pull and I would twitch my hips. That was one of the first times people started to call me twitch. It was a hot spring day and I had that orgasm around morning recess. After lunch the dried sperm in my underwear started to smell a little. It smelled like a mixture of pee and fish. I was a little embarassed when people would smell it. It didn't seem like anyone knew where it was coming from but they had a hunch it was me.
Well I don't have my orgasms in my underwear anymore. I carry tissue in my pocket now. In the winter I try to carry more as if I blow my nose to often, I don't like to save them. The dried mucus will scratch the head of my penis when I wipe it. I really don't like that.
I guess my fetish right now is to masterbate often. I sometimes wish I was in a dorm so I can join the frat boys in one of those group masterbation sessions I heard of. While everyone watches a porno and masterbates but no one is allowed to look at the others penis. I think things like that are very good for building trust between males and bonding."

"I've been reading the boards and I noticed that everyone says to take around 300 grams of protein a day. I have started doing this but it has been causing me some problems. Yesterday I was at the gym and I had that awful gas again. I was too nervous going near the big guys to let them out so I attended the aerobics class. I had been letting out my gas most of the day and my hole got a little wet because of it. I stayed at the back of the class because I am horrible at aerobics and if I had to go to the bathroom I could just leave. I have some very soft poo because of the protein these days.
During the class I started to sweat and it seemed the crack of my buttocks started to get an oily feeling. The class ended and I went to the weight room to have a little session. I am now proudly able to benchpress 65lbs. I kept passing gas during my workout and I heard some muttering about the smell. I am glad my gym plays some Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears really loud so I can make them a little noisy and no one will hear. After about 10 minutes I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I really needed to go wipe my behind. I left to go to the bathroom and sure enough when I wiped my behind, it came away dirty. I decided to smell it to see if it was normal. After holding it up to my nose I inhaled lightly and it smelled normal. Not too bad, kind of like the smell of earth in the spring but a little muskier. I threw away the paper and went back to train.
I trained for a while longer then went home. I decided to take a nap while listening to Culture Club again. I was sleeping with just a pair of boxers on and again I felt that creamy feeling down there. I decided to scratch it quickly as it was bothering me. I knew I got a little on my finger. Suddenly I had a very strong temptation to smell it. I held up my finger to my nose and inhaled deeply this time. I thought it would have been gross but I actually liked it. All through dinner I kept thinking if it was normal to like that smell. I smelled my finger as I was going back to my room and was a bit disappointed that the corn on the cob had washed away the musky odor. What do you guys think of that smell? Does the protein affect you in the same way?"

[Sensational]

OMG that is funny!

[thick]

that was pretty damn funny until the last paragraph or so

[dolfe1]

Somewhat entertaining, we need to find some more things for you to read if that's the funniest thing you've ever read.

[Bob Smith]

Originally Posted by dolfe1

Somewhat entertaining, we need to find some more things for you to read if that's the funniest thing you've ever read.

No kidding. Plus it was about a 45 minute read with no real punch-line.

[mr_meanor]

Originally Posted by Bob Smith

No kidding. Plus it was about a 45 minute read with no real punch-line.

let me rephrase myself, funniest thing I have read in a forum relating to aas, better?

[thick]

u haven't read the neighbor thread than

[Fast Food]

yeah man the neighbor thread is pretty funny.

if you need a funny story i'll tell you about where the peoples thumb (TM) had an appearance last week, and what happened..... if you want me to make it aas, then i will...... the peoples thumb (TM) currently has EQ & Test Cyp. running through it now as well to make it THE MOST EXPLOSIVE MOVE HEARD ROUND WORLD !

THUMBS UP !

[Chip Bronson]

it's a shame the gym owner came by and let him out. he should've left the little jerkoff in the steamroom overnight. that way we wouldn't have had to have read his moronic, twisted-chromosome-induced ramblings.... the stories were just not funny; for any board... they were just dumb. and i'm being polite in my assesment....

[Grizzly]

I kind of agree with you, Chip. I stopped reading after the third paragraph or something.

[krom]

uh, what the fuck was that

[dzl66]

Originally Posted by krom

uh, what the fuck was that

uh, don't know man

[dolfe1]

Originally Posted by mr_meanor

let me rephrase myself, funniest thing I have read in a forum relating to aas, better?

There was a post on EliteFitness about 4-5 months ago, the link to it was also posted here under the classified forum, I think it was called stupidest threads or something to that effect, it was about a guy injecting into his asshole, that was some pretty funny aas shit.

[highoutput]

that shit was pretty funny

[Slick Arrado]

Originally Posted by dolfe1

There was a post on EliteFitness about 4-5 months ago, the link to it was also posted here under the classified forum, I think it was called stupidest threads or something to that effect, it was about a guy injecting into his asshole, that was some pretty funny aas shit.

You guys read the thread, forgot which board, where the guy SWEARS that the juice is better absorbed if injected into your nutsack? Seriously,
I read it somewhere. He had the shit flamed out of him.