I need some serious advice bro's

[bodyofwork26]

Ok, I'm not quite sure where or how to start out explaining my situation but here goes. I was involved in a relationshiup for two years, she and I were engaged and everything was ok however I started realizing that she wasn't the one I wanted to spend my life with. We broke up and kinda talked off and on and still hooked up pretty regularly. Well this girl truly loves me more than you could ever imagine someone loving you. Anyhow she got pregnant during one of our on again times so we tried getting back together to make things work (some of you may remember pictures I posted up) anyhow we seemed to be more at each others throats and I just couldn't take being in a relationship with her any longer despite the fact that she is carrying my child. Well, she figured it was just temporary and that she'd get me back like always, well a really good girlfriend of mine was going through a divorce during this whole time period as well, she and I have been friends for a long time. Well, we both kinda leaned on each other for support through these tough times and really connected and I've pretty much fallen in love with her and she has me. Well, babies momma was not happy about this at all, of course thats understandable. Every day she begged for me to come back but with everyday I fell more for girl number 2. Anyhow, Emily, the one carrying my baby went into premature labor two nights ago, I stood by her side in the hospital the whole time until they were able to stop the contractions, I care alot about her and hate that I'm hurting her so badly by staying in my relationship that evolved from all this. Both girls are beautiful and both of them are special to me but as far as being compatible with one it definitely isn't my babies momma. The biggest problem that I face now is that when this premature labor happened Emily and I talked alot in the hospital and she told me that as long as I stay in a relationship with my GF now that she will make sure I can never see my son. She talks alot out of hurt and anger and I know in her heart its just that she wants us to have a family. My whole family has looked down on me because I got into a new relationship while she's pregnant with my child. Its not something I planned it just sort of happened and its not as if I went out and just hooked up with this other girl, she and I have been close friends for years and it just sort of happened. Now I'm torn, I've obviously got alot invested into Emily because of years of a relationship and now a child. I may not have alot invested into the other but she is the most amazing girl I've ever met and we just "click" in every aspect. I'm torn with what to do here, obviously my son will be the most important person in my life, but I know being a good father has nothing to do with being in a relationship with his mother. I feel like a piece of shit for "abandoning" Emily while she was pregnant however I've tried to be there for her as much as possible but the only way she wants me in her life is if its in a committed relationship with her. I'm just torn and no matter how much I pray and think about it I just can't come up with an answer. In fact now my head is so screwed up by this that I'm not even sure what would make me happy. Emily (pregnant one) is a great girl but everytime I think maybe I should try again I think back as to why we broke up in the first place. The other girl is so understanding about everything and keeps telling me that she loves me and will stick by my side but that no matter what she'll always be my friend no matter what decision I make. Any advice bro's? This has been eating me alive for months now. Now that Emily looks as if the baby is going to be popping out early (8 weeks) I feel even more pressured to make a decision. Sorry for the long post but I needed somewhere to vent all this out. Thanks bro's.

[thick]

wow that is a tough situation to be in. Seems like you have tried several times to make it with Emily and it hasnt worked out. How old is she? That is bullshit that she told you she would keep your son from you. YOU have just as much a right to see that kid as she does. I definitely would not get back with Emily. See about getting custody of your son. Get a lawyer and file for custody if you have to. Possesion used to be 90% of the law. In the least you should end up with shared custody assuming you both are deemed fit as parents.
Good luck with your other relationship. Hopefully emily will realize that it is best for the kid for u guys to remain on friendly terms. The kid is all that really matters right now

[bodyofwork26]

Thanks bro, your advice is much appreciated. This is a prime example why a guy shouldn't ever let a girl know he juices. She's been holding that over my head as well in the event of a custody battle. Its all speculation as she's never actually seen me do it. Oh well, life throws you some pretty fucked up curve balls.

[crewboss]

if it were me:

stick by Emily right now bro, be there for her and for your son's birth. let her know that you'll always be there for support, don't make her feel like she's alone through all of this. be a man and do what's right. as for a relationship for the future, you've got to stick with whomever you love and/or get along with the best. nothing makes for a more miserable life (see my folks) than never being able to see eye to eye. it makes the most simple of decisions a literal war. it makes days feel like years. it may sound cliche and dumb, but you to make it, you have to be a team. she has to be your best friend. if your son's mother can't be that for you, wouldn't it be better to realize that now than when he's 3 or 4? (or whatever age). you'll crush the kid w/ a breakup.

if it were me bro, I'd stay with the one that made me happy. and I'd make DAMN WELL sure I'm the best pop that kid could ever have. that means being a visual role model in his life and putting in the time any father should. to make this work you'll have to keep on good terms w/ his mother. not easy but it does work if all involved sacrifice a little for the well being of the boy. just my .02, hope all goes well for you bro. good luck.

[bodyofwork26]

Originally Posted by crewboss

if it were me:

stick by Emily right now bro, be there for her and for your son's birth. let her know that you'll always be there for support, don't make her feel like she's alone through all of this. be a man and do what's right. as for a relationship for the future, you've got to stick with whomever you love and/or get along with the best. nothing makes for a more miserable life (see my folks) than never being able to see eye to eye. it makes the most simple of decisions a literal war. it makes days feel like years. it may sound cliche and dumb, but you to make it, you have to be a team. she has to be your best friend. if your son's mother can't be that for you, wouldn't it be better to realize that now than when he's 3 or 4? (or whatever age). you'll crush the kid w/ a breakup.

if it were me bro, I'd stay with the one that made me happy. and I'd make DAMN WELL sure I'm the best pop that kid could ever have. that means being a visual role model in his life and putting in the time any father should. to make this work you'll have to keep on good terms w/ his mother. not easy but it does work if all involved sacrifice a little for the well being of the boy. just my .02, hope all goes well for you bro. good luck.

Thank you bro, these outside opinions are a huge help, I love it because at work my private life is exactly that......private. This is a good avenue of getting unbiased opinions by people that won't readily pass judgement. Much appreciation.

[bodyofwork26]

bump

[captainjack]

body- You have a life changing decision to make man...I personally would do what was best for the kid, just because I have seen how bad broken homes can truly hurt a kid emotionally. Just do in your heart what you think is right, on one hand I know you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you love but are not "in love" with, on the other you have a child that is your flesh, that you created and is your resposibility. Just be there for Emily as much as you can man, pregnant women are already super super emotional and with this going on in her life she is probably a wreck. Tell her you love her and care about her and will be there for her. Women love to know that.

-JACK-

[jah_live10]

first of all ....you have to put yourself in Emily's shoes...can you imagine what you put her through?

I suggest trying to work things out with your baby momma. There is nothing more frustrating than having kids with someone who you are not with. It will be a constant battle and no one ever wins. She will hate you for life...if you leave her hanging byherself(regardless if you are there for your kid)

Fuck your emotions right now. Suck that shit up and be a man. Stand by Emily and drop the other girl. People change when they have kids. So she can change.....DO WHATEVER IT TAKES..to make Emily happy. If things dont work out a year from now....at least you can say that ...you tried your best.

This is all coming from a man..that was in the exact same situation. I WOULD DO ANYTHING.....to go back in time...and do the right thing.

Do the right thing bro.

[bodyofwork26]

Originally Posted by jah_live10

first of all ....you have to put yourself in Emily's shoes...can you imagine what you put her through?

I suggest trying to work things out with your baby momma. There is nothing more frustrating than having kids with someone who you are not with. It will be a constant battle and no one ever wins. She will hate you for life...if you leave her hanging byherself(regardless if you are there for your kid)

Fuck your emotions right now. Suck that shit up and be a man. Stand by Emily and drop the other girl. People change when they have kids. So she can change.....DO WHATEVER IT TAKES..to make Emily happy. If things dont work out a year from now....at least you can say that ...you tried your best.

This is all coming from a man..that was in the exact same situation. I WOULD DO ANYTHING.....to go back in time...and do the right thing.

Do the right thing bro.

I've been trying to stand by Emily bro, however the ONLY way she wants me in the picture is in a committed relationship and while I do love her I'm just not in love with her. I'm trying to be the big man here and I've not dodged my responsibilities, hell I'm paying all her bills so that she can stay on bed rest and will continue to do so until after she's ready to go back to work. And yes I WILL be paying child support and with my income she'll get close to $1200 a month. I want us to be great parents and like I said I do love her I just don't know if I'll end up not only losing someone I DO love and end up hurting Emily more if things don't work out. Like I said, my fucking heart is torn to shreds trying to make the BEST decision for everyone involved.

[sweettart29]

Originally Posted by jah_live10

first of all ....you have to put yourself in Emily's shoes...can you imagine what you put her through?

I suggest trying to work things out with your baby momma. There is nothing more frustrating than having kids with someone who you are not with. It will be a constant battle and no one ever wins. She will hate you for life...if you leave her hanging byherself(regardless if you are there for your kid)

Fuck your emotions right now. Suck that shit up and be a man. Stand by Emily and drop the other girl. People change when they have kids. So she can change.....DO WHATEVER IT TAKES..to make Emily happy. If things dont work out a year from now....at least you can say that ...you tried your best.

This is all coming from a man..that was in the exact same situation. I WOULD DO ANYTHING.....to go back in time...and do the right thing.

Do the right thing bro.

First thing I have to say is this...Two of my children were born premature...one was at 29 weeks and the other was at 30 weeks..I know what it is like to b in her shoes....she is going through alot and she is scared out of her mind right now...just b there for her as much as u can

Jah I am sorry but screw that shit....yeah kids from broken homes have it tough but that is only if both parents can not get along....It is much worse for a kid to live with a mother and a father that fight all the time, I would rather not live with their father then i would live in the same house with him knowing that he does not love me and he does not want to b with me.....that is way worse then having a mom and dad that don't live together....I got married the first time becuz i was pregnant....BAD IDEA....needless to say i got divorced...My kids r alot happier knowing that mom and dad can get along for them and not have to live together and listen to us fight all the time....U can try to make it work with her all u want but it having a child involved in the relationship is going to put a bigger strain on it....A child does not put the finalizing to things....If u r not happy with someone and u have tried in the past to make it work and it did not then move on....She doesn't realize it right now but when the whole situation sinks in and she meets someone that really makes her happy then she will b thankful that u did not stay together......

[bodyofwork26]

Thanks Sweet, I was hoping you or one of our other female members would pipe up and give their opinion. I agree, i know I won't ever truly make her happy but will be the best father she could want her son to have. To me that seems to be more important, I can only hope all her threats subside once our son is actually born and we get to share that. It takes alot for me to swallow the fact that she will start dating again and that my son will be subjected to other men, that honestly scares the shit out of me too. I know its a fact of life and that I'll deal with it but it scares me that some guy will come along and I won't be able to deal with him trying to play daddy to my son. So many mixed emotions, so much stress. Every night I just pray to God that he show me some light and answer my questions but everyday I feel more let down by him. My faith has slipped so far down and I'm turning into a nervous wreck.

[sweettart29]

Originally Posted by bodyofwork26

Thanks Sweet, I was hoping you or one of our other female members would pipe up and give their opinion. I agree, i know I won't ever truly make her happy but will be the best father she could want her son to have. To me that seems to be more important, I can only hope all her threats subside once our son is actually born and we get to share that. It takes alot for me to swallow the fact that she will start dating again and that my son will be subjected to other men, that honestly scares the shit out of me too. I know its a fact of life and that I'll deal with it but it scares me that some guy will come along and I won't be able to deal with him trying to play daddy to my son. So many mixed emotions, so much stress. Every night I just pray to God that he show me some light and answer my questions but everyday I feel more let down by him. My faith has slipped so far down and I'm turning into a nervous wreck.

Body trust me it gets easier...Right now she is really scared becuz she is not sure what to do u r the only person she thinks she can count on and she wants to hold on to that but once she has the baby and realizes that it takes more then a baby to make a relationship then she wil realize that there someone out there that is right for her....and u also have to trust that she will not let anyone ever take your place in your son's life...and the way i have come to look at it is sometimes two mommies and two daddies are better then just one....I have my moments with my ex husband and his wife but i know that they are always there for me and if i needed anything all i would have to do is ask and when i cannot b there for things that she can she calls me and tells me how it went....it is much better to have a relationship with someone that u can get along with then it is to fight infront of your kid becuz u cannot stand that person...the fun part of it all is when u actually get to mee the other person and kind of intimidate them....after the ackwardness wears off u realize that life is way to short to b unhappy

[bodyofwork26]

Thanks Sweet

[thick]

I have stated this numerous times. Normally I am in the minority on this subject. Once you have been there or seen friends go through it than u realize some things u cant share with your partner

Originally Posted by bodyofwork26

Thanks bro, your advice is much appreciated. This is a prime example why a guy shouldn't ever let a girl know he juices. She's been holding that over my head as well in the event of a custody battle. Its all speculation as she's never actually seen me do it. Oh well, life throws you some pretty fucked up curve balls.

[bodyofwork26]

Originally Posted by thick

I have stated this numerous times. Normally I am in the minority on this subject. Once you have been there or seen friends go through it than u realize some things u cant share with your partner

Man thick I NOW totally agree with you, thats been her crutch she's leaning on to try and intimidate me if this goes to a custody battle. What she doesn't understand is that I don't want or wouldn't even try for full custody, I just want to be an important figure in my sons life. I'd never try and take her child from her or give ultimatums like she is me. Its making this situation way more jacked up than it should be.