Its so important to be honest

[Ian Smith]

Howdy Ho everyone.. This might sound rediculous,, but i was unable to sleep tonight because i was thinking about many things.. Like I said in my thread the other night,, Ill be returning to school in the spring semester, its a techinical school.. I was thinking about why it took me soo long to return to school.. I left college nearly 3 years ago. (it will be 3 years in October) to move to Kansas City to help my Mother.. shortly after i moved to KC I started drinking heavily and popping pills.. Over 1 year ago on the old Meso I confessed to all the guys and gals that I felt I was an addict; I received much support, I cant tell you how much, but that thread was filled with words of incouragement, it was absolutely amazing how many people on here were suportive.. At first I was only able to make it 15 days sober, then stumbled for the first time; I tried to stop many time before but was unable, but it wasnt that bothersome to me before then because I hadnt admitted to everyone that i had a problem, granted; my family new that I was having difficulties; but no one said anything; I understand why, Im a typicle addict and will argue anything to the point that, whether im right or wrong; I can convince anyone otherwise; and if i dont, they will simply give up..

I returned to the program shortly after my first setback, I returned because I had a short term relationship go sour; I returned for someone else in hopes that I would win her back.. But a funny thing happened, while I was devoting myself to AA, I stopped thinking about her and started feeling absolutely incredible.. But yet again, I met some one, and we were wonderful together, that is until I started popping pills again.. The worst part about using is all the lies you tell, they are just little white lies, but the bad part about ant type of lie, is that after you say it; you cant get it back, and everything you say after words will be taken lightly by those you have lied to... Im more than over my last relatonship, but have often thought how nice it would be to have done things differently so that I would have the priviledge of calling this person again from time to time just to say hi.. There is more pride to be had in being completely honest with everyone, even if they judge you harshly for your past, you can still take comfort in the fact that you were honest and did the best you could.. Like I said, its something that I am over but yet again, due to my dishonesty have lost another person in my life I wish I wouldnt have... There are many reasons for lying: Insecurity, selfabsorbition, selfcenteredness, or simply being ashamed of something you had done at one time or another in your life.. Im starting to drag this out, so long story short, be painfully honest about everything, one lie leads to another, and before you know it, everything is a lie.... I went to a meeting tonight, I was told that a young man that I originally started the program with a year ago tried to kill himself, he covered himself with kerosene and lit it; he is in the hospital, doing OK.. but I wonder what brings a person to that point, Ive been soo desperate before with every ounce of my body completely absorbed with one chemical or another for extended periods of time, but I allways knew, eventually something would spark my hope, be it a beautiful day, a smile frome a lovely lady at the gym,, eventually something would allways happen to give me a little hope. But you have to find hope from within, becuase "people' will always let you down, how bad the let down depends on your actions and the context of your Fuck ups.. I think its important to go slowly, with everything you do, never make assumptions about anytihng, assumptions are based on past experiences and relate little to those who were not a part of that past.. I think the past is something that haunts all of us,, we all have a "Why Me" and each of our "Why Me's" is just as important and or influential to our decesion making process as the next persons.. What got me to where I am today, Im now a true believer that if you are not where you want to be in life, then you were not working hard enough towards your goal, or maybe havent even managed to identify it.. Nowadays, my thereapy is hard work, which i wouldnt be able to do if I werent passonate about an obtainable goal,, nithing far fetched, just a reachable goal... OK, Im gonna shut up now... Be honest about everything.. you will sleep much better at night,, maybe I can get to slep now.. What can I say, I m a dork.. Night all

[buck]

Hope you slept well.

[bigpmp]

You are no Dork bro. Those are some words we should all live by. I know I need to here those things from time to time.

[AirBornette]

Originally Posted by Ian Smith

Howdy Ho everyone.. This might sound rediculous,, but i was unable to sleep tonight because i was thinking about many things.. Like I said in my thread the other night,, Ill be returning to school in the spring semester, its a techinical school.. I was thinking about why it took me soo long to return to school.. I left college nearly 3 years ago. (it will be 3 years in October) to move to Kansas City to help my Mother.. shortly after i moved to KC I started drinking heavily and popping pills.. Over 1 year ago on the old Meso I confessed to all the guys and gals that I felt I was an addict; I received much support, I cant tell you how much, but that thread was filled with words of incouragement, it was absolutely amazing how many people on here were suportive.. At first I was only able to make it 15 days sober, then stumbled for the first time; I tried to stop many time before but was unable, but it wasnt that bothersome to me before then because I hadnt admitted to everyone that i had a problem, granted; my family new that I was having difficulties; but no one said anything; I understand why, Im a typicle addict and will argue anything to the point that, whether im right or wrong; I can convince anyone otherwise; and if i dont, they will simply give up..

I returned to the program shortly after my first setback, I returned because I had a short term relationship go sour; I returned for someone else in hopes that I would win her back.. But a funny thing happened, while I was devoting myself to AA, I stopped thinking about her and started feeling absolutely incredible.. But yet again, I met some one, and we were wonderful together, that is until I started popping pills again.. The worst part about using is all the lies you tell, they are just little white lies, but the bad part about ant type of lie, is that after you say it; you cant get it back, and everything you say after words will be taken lightly by those you have lied to... Im more than over my last relatonship, but have often thought how nice it would be to have done things differently so that I would have the priviledge of calling this person again from time to time just to say hi.. There is more pride to be had in being completely honest with everyone, even if they judge you harshly for your past, you can still take comfort in the fact that you were honest and did the best you could.. Like I said, its something that I am over but yet again, due to my dishonesty have lost another person in my life I wish I wouldnt have... There are many reasons for lying: Insecurity, selfabsorbition, selfcenteredness, or simply being ashamed of something you had done at one time or another in your life.. Im starting to drag this out, so long story short, be painfully honest about everything, one lie leads to another, and before you know it, everything is a lie.... I went to a meeting tonight, I was told that a young man that I originally started the program with a year ago tried to kill himself, he covered himself with kerosene and lit it; he is in the hospital, doing OK.. but I wonder what brings a person to that point, Ive been soo desperate before with every ounce of my body completely absorbed with one chemical or another for extended periods of time, but I allways knew, eventually something would spark my hope, be it a beautiful day, a smile frome a lovely lady at the gym,, eventually something would allways happen to give me a little hope. But you have to find hope from within, becuase "people' will always let you down, how bad the let down depends on your actions and the context of your Fuck ups.. I think its important to go slowly, with everything you do, never make assumptions about anytihng, assumptions are based on past experiences and relate little to those who were not a part of that past.. I think the past is something that haunts all of us,, we all have a "Why Me" and each of our "Why Me's" is just as important and or influential to our decesion making process as the next persons.. What got me to where I am today, Im now a true believer that if you are not where you want to be in life, then you were not working hard enough towards your goal, or maybe havent even managed to identify it.. Nowadays, my thereapy is hard work, which i wouldnt be able to do if I werent passonate about an obtainable goal,, nithing far fetched, just a reachable goal... OK, Im gonna shut up now... Be honest about everything.. you will sleep much better at night,, maybe I can get to slep now.. What can I say, I m a dork.. Night all

damn your thread gave me goose bumps....really proud of you for turning your life around. your words were very inspiring and oh so true. i wish everyone could come to the conclusions that you have. and no, yer not a dork

[ramboj70]

Originally Posted by AirBornette

damn your thread gave me goose bumps....really proud of you for turning your life around. your words were very inspiring and oh so true. i wish everyone could come to the conclusions that you have. and no, yer not a dork

your the man bro, not a dork, it takes balls to do what you have, I used to have a drinking problem but now I dont I learned how to control my habbit, now I drink once a month if even that,

[dumbbellpress]

Ian, there is no way you are a dork. A dork is someone who suffers from addiction, yet never seeks treatment and goes their whole life powerless over it.
You are a big man for admitting you have an addiction, and doing something about it. My hat is off to you, I have a ton of respect for you. I will keep you in my prayers buddy.

dumbbellpress

[Baby Faced Assasin]

Dont listen to em Ian, your a huge dork, and a bit of a fag too!!!!


Kiddin bro. Good job. I belive i remember you from a year or so back.

[thick]

Lots of tough lessons to be learned. Everyone says that things happen for a reason. take advantage of these lessons. hope school treats you well. New environments can be the best or worst scenario for you. It will be up to you

[occam]

I'm impressed with your post Ian.

You big dork.

[Bob Smith]

Ian, glad to see youre still around! Good post and applies equally to those that have substance problems and those that dont. As painful as the truth can be at times, I can look back and say that I was happier when I sucked it up and was honest, rather than hiding something I didnt want known.

Keep it up bro, and I hope your walk is going well. If you need anything, just let me know.

[Ian Smith]

Thanks all.. In case some were wondering, Im not drinking again,, its just something I was thinking about the other night.. Thanks all, youre a good group.

[conan]

i have never had an addiction before....i think i had a problem with steriods when i was 23 but now being 29 i am in control of my use....

[dumbbellpress]

Originally Posted by Ian Smith

Thanks all.. In case some were wondering, Im not drinking again,, its just something I was thinking about the other night.. Thanks all, youre a good group.

Ian, isn't that what makes Meso so wonderful?? There are so many great guys here.............VDC, Hogg, that LOSER Thick, Big Louie, Occam and on and on. In a sense we are strangers. But in a sense we are brothers. We all have a deep love for the life of Powerlifting and BBing. I truly do care if someone is experiencing some of the clinical symptoms of gyno. I also care about that Polesmoker Thick, who psychotic episodes have led him to include that Barry Bonds is not the greatest.

But yeah Ian, we are a brotherhood.

dumbbellpress