joke

[thick]

Trip to Hooters
>
>
> A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked
> into a local Hooters.
>
> The place was hopping with music and dancing, but
> every once in a while, the lights would turn off.
>
> Each time after the lights would go out, the place
> would erupt into cheers.
>
> However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room
> went dead silent.
>
> She walked up to the bartender, and asked, May I
> please use the restroom?"
>
> The bartender nervously replied, "I really don't think
> you should."
>
> Why not?" the nun asked.
>
> Well, there is a life-size statue of a naked man in
> there, and his most private parts are covered only by
> a fig leaf."
>
> Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other
> way."
>
> So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of
> the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom.
>
> After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole
> place was hopping with music and dancing again.
>
> However, they did stop just long enough to give the
> nun a loud round of applause.
>
> She walked up to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't
> understand. Why did they applaud for me just because
> I went to the restroom?"
>
> Well, because now they know you're one of us," said
> the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"
>
> But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled
> nun.
>
> You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig
> leaf on that statue is lifted up, the lights go out
> in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"
>
>
>

[Chip Bronson]

what kind of meat can priests eat on friday?




















nun

[thick]

lol that was good. another:


Abstinence
2003-10-03
Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of
his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two
weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the
third couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired
couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was
tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds
said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"A can of paint?!?" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over
to pick it up, I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the
church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

[thick]

>
> > > >A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the
> > > >trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
> > > >
> > > >Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'"
> > > >asked the lawyer.
> > > >
> > > >Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
> > > >loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
> > > >
> > > >"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just
> > > >answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,
> > > >'I'm fine!'?
> > > >
> > > >Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I
> > > >was driving down the road...."
> > > >
> > > >The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
> > > >establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told
>the
> > > >Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks
> > > >after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a
> > > >fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
> > > >
> > > >By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and
>said
> > > >to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite
> > > >mule,
> > > >Bessie".
> > > >
> > > >Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had
> > > >just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was
driving
> > > >her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the
stop
> > > >sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one
>ditch
> > > >and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and
>didn't
> > > >want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.
> > > >I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after
the
> > > >accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie
> > > >moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her,
he
> > > >took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
> > > >
> > > >Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at
> > > >me, and said "How are you feeling?"
> > > >
> > > >"Now what the hell would you say?"
> >
> >

[thick]

The Most Functional English Word
> >
> >
> >Well, it's shit...that's right, shit!
> >Shit may just be the most functional
> >word in the English language.
> >
> >Consider:
> >You can get shit-faced,
> >Be shit out of luck,
> >or have shit for brains.
> >
> >With a little effort,
> >you can get your shit together,
> >Find a place for your shit, Or
> >be asked to shit or get off the pot.
> >
> >You can smoke shit,
> >buy shit,
> >sell shit,
> >lose shit,
> >find shit,
> >forget shit,
> >and tell others to eat shit.
> >
> >Some people know their shit, while
> >others can't tell the difference
> >between Shit and Shineola.
> >
> >There are lucky shits,
> >dumb shits,
> >crazy shits,
> >There is bull shit,
> >horse shit and
> >chicken shit.
> >
> >You can throw shit,
> >sling shit,
> >catch shit,
> >shoot the shit,
> >or duck when the shit hits the fan.
> >
> >You can give a shit or
> >serve shit on a shingle.
> >
> >You can find yourself in deep shit
> >or be happier than a pig in shit.
> >
> >Some days are colder than shit,
> >some days are hotter than shit,
> >and some days are just plain shitty.
> >
> >Some music sounds like shit,
> >things can look like shit,
> >and there are times when you feel like shit.
> >
> >You can have too much shit,
> >not enough shit,
> >the right shit,
> >the wrong shit or
> >a lot of weird shit.
> >
> >You can carry shit,
> >have a mountain of shit, or find
> >yourself up shits creek without a paddle.
> >Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a
> >bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
> >
> >When you stop to consider all the facts,
> >it's the basic building block of the English language.
> >
> >And remember, once you know your shit,
> >you don't need to know anything else!
> >
> >You could pass this along, if you give a shit. Or not do so, If you don't
> >give a shit!
> >
> >Well Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do Give
> >A Shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But if you
> >happened to catch a load of shit from some shit head........Well, shit
> >happens!