The tale of Ian Smith and Bumbles the midget (I found part one).....

[Phreezer]

Gather round all ye merry folk...Come sit, and listen to my tale.
It's a tale about a Galant lad, and a not so galant midget. The galant
lad's name is Ian...Ian smith to be exact, and his faithful sidekick was the midget Bumbles.

This is the story of how they met, and how that meeting forever changed the fate of a Kingdom.

One day after recently escaping from a home being overwhelmed by wild badgers a midget namedBumbles stumbled upon a half naked man covered in horse dung. The man coveredwith dung spent several minutes smearing the feciese on chest before he finally looked up and noticed Bumbles staring at him.
"Hale" cried the dung covered man..."Hale to you sir" replied Bumbles.
Bumbles being one of the wee folk decided that caution would be necessary
while approaching the dung covered lad. Slowly and steadily Bumbles approached,moving closer and closer...The dung covered Gentleman seemed to pay no mindto Bumbles but rather busied himself by spreading the manure all about his chest andshoulders.. he seemed to be completely occupied with this ripe business, and never noticed Bumbles advanceBumbles drew closer, as close as the smell emiting from the stranger would allow.

"Good sir" Bumbles whispered.....the man was oblivious..."GOOD SIR" Bumbles spoke again with more authority. The lad looked up and was startled to see how close Bumbles had managed to get to him. "How might I be of service to one of the wee folk" Spoke the young man. Bumbles replied "I've got a question sir" "As do I" spoke the manure covered fellow. "I'll do my best to answer your inquery if you'll be so kind as to answer mine" said Bumbles. The fellow seemed a bit daft, and after pondering the proposition for several moments he finaly spoke "Sounds like a fair deal to me, but I'll not be falling for your tricks, last time I spoke with one of your height, I was tricked into being used like a woman, and I couldn't walk for three days...I'll have none of your buggery, Now speak your question" Bumbles was taken aback by the brash tones of the man, and his willingness to admit that he had once been used like a wench...after regaining his composure Bumbles addressed his question: "Sir, why do smear Horse dung about your body" The young man suddenly looked pale..He stoped smearing
the excrement and stared at Bumbles hard. "Horse Dung you say"? "Yes sir" replied Bumbles.

The young man
laughed."Shows what you know, this here is magic mud from the bed of the lady of the lake, I bought it for a large price from a traveling merchant". Bumbles mouth gaped open. He couldn't believe the stupidity of this
fellow. "Sir" said Bumbles..."Yes, what is it" replied the young man, "I do believe you've been taken for a fool sir; Tis not magic mud from the bed of the lady of the lake, but rather ordinary Horse Dung" The young
man exploded with anger and pointed his finger at Bumbles "I'll have none of your trickery, I've told you once, test me again wee man, and I'll Fong You"! Bumbles shook his head and spoke calmly and softly "Sir, It's no trick, the merchant has only sold you dung from his horse, there's nothing special or magical about it" The young mans eyed turned down and stared at his large pot belly very hard, He took one finger and wiped some of the brown substance from his chest and put it in his mouth, after savoring the test for a few minutes, his eyes grew wide and the young man became very upset; he started wiping the horse dung off his chest as fast as he could cursing through
the whole process.

"It is only Horse Dung" the young man cried. Bumbles stepped back and watched for a few minutes, waiting for the young man to tire himself out. Finally the fellow colapsed and began sobbing. Bumbles not accustomed to seeing such a week and pathetic display felt the need to comfort the fellow. "Sir" spoke Bumbles. "Yes" replied the man through tear stained lips, Not being able to think of anything else, Bumbles decided to introduce himself "I am Called Bumbles sir, what might your name be"?

The dim witted fellow looked up with
a quizical look, "This is no trick is it? Your not going to try and bugger me" Bumbles was shocked, "No sir, I've never buggered a man in my life, and I certainly wouldn't bugger a fellow as foul smelling as yourself" This seemed to comfort the young man and he rose and extended his hand "I am Ian, Ian smith, I'm very pleased to make your aquintance". Reluctantly Bumbles shook Ian's hand and thus was forged a friendship that would alter the destiny of Kings...TO BE CONTINUED

[Phreezer]

After Ian finished bathing in a nearby stream (at the insistence of Bumbles), the two quickly started discussing plans to find the merchant who had sold Ian the magic mud. Bumbles, having nothing better to decided to accompany Ian on this quest, so the two set out together scouring the countryside for any clues of the merchant they might find.

Ian regaled Bumbles with tales of his adventures along the way, tales of rabid chipmunks, brothels, angry blacksmiths, and a job he once had shaving Asian boys for a queen named Freddy. Hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks, and all the while Ian chatted along happily and Bumbles listened to everything without commenting.

One morning Bumbles awoke to prepare breakfast and noticed several Soldiers surrounding he and Ian’s campsite. Bumbles immediately woke Ian. Ian rose and asked what the commotion was all about, and soon realized why his small friend seemed so frightened. Once Ian noticed the heavily armed men he proceeded to wet himself. “Who are you who trespass on the land of The Dirty Lord Sanchez”, came a voice from behind the duo? Ian slowly turned and saw a very large man who by all appearances must have been in charge.

Bumbles spoke first “Sir, our most humble apologies, we had no idea upon who’s land
We were camped”. “It matters not”, thundered the voice, “All who trespass must stand before Lord Sanchez and he will decide the price that must be paid for your transgression”. At this Ian began to whimper loudly, two guards grabbed Ian and Bumbles and proceeded to tie their hands behind their backs and ball gag them. They never heard the sound of the clubs that took their consciousness.

Ian and bumbles regained consciousness inside of a large room that appeared to be some sort of courtroom. Seated atop of an ornately carved Throne was a large man with dark hair and a dark complexion. He stared at the two like a hungry fox staring at chickens.

Suddenly Ian and Bumbles were grabbed from behind and forced to their feet. “How do you plead against the charge of trespassing”? Asked the man seated atop the throne.
Ian spoke “We did not know we were trespassing, we’re very sorry and promise never to come back to your land again”. The man atop the throne laughed evilly at Ian’s response. “All who trespass must pay a price”, was the man’s reply. “I am Lord Sanchez and I do not allow people to wander freely across my land”. Bumbles got nervous and with a shaky voice he said “Sir we have no money, and we have nothing of value that can be paid”.

Lord Sanchez got off of his throne and walked close to them and stopped in front of Ian. “This one has something of value” he said and walked around Ian and cuffed him on the rear end. “This one defiantly has something I’d be interested in”. Ian became even more frightened and Bumbles was speechless. The guards in the courtroom began laughing and Lord Sanchez signaled one of them. The guard that was signaled immediately pulled out a key that he wore on a chain around his neck. The guard then went over to a large wooden box that was in the corner of the room, and unlocked the padlock on it. When the guard raised the lid a large man dressed in a full black leather outfit and leather hood rose up and stared at Bumbles. “Bring the Guardian here to watch the little one, You others take hold of the taller one and follow me to my chambers” said Lord Sanchez.

Ian was dragged kicking and screaming and Bumbles was left alone with the guardian. Bumbles was frightened but the guardian never did anything but stare at him and giggle uncontrollably. After several minutes, Bumbles heard quit a commotion coming from Lord Sanchez’s chambers, Hooting and hollering an occasional “Yee Haw”. After about an Hour Ian was dragged back into the courtroom and thrown at the feet of Bumbles. Lord Sanchez appeared next. He was very sweaty and seemed tired. He spoke to Bumbles “The price of your trespassing has been paid, you both are free to go, and leave quickly before I change my mind” Bumbles didn’t need to be told twice, He helped Ian up and they immediately left the Lords abode. Once outside while walking away from Lord Sanchez’s land Bumbles looked at Ian “What happened to you in there”? “I don’t want to ever talk about,” said Ian while he limped along to keep pace with his companion. Bumbles didn’t pressure Ian to talk about it, but he did keep staring at Ian while they walked. Finally Ian said “Why do you keep staring at me”? Bumbles didn’t say anything at first but then he stopped walking and looked at Ian hard “I don’t know” said Bumbles “You look different somehow…….Have you always had a mustache”?

Later that night something else of great interest happened to our two would be adventures
TO BE CONTINUED

[Rod]

LMAO! I never knew that we had a Meso Chaucer. Speaking of Chaucer one of my favorite lines of his is:
"the night was dark and black as coal
and out the window she hung her hole".

[Ian Smith]

LMAO,, That is a classic! You do have a knack for story telling... Guess its time to put back on the thinking cap....lol

[Bob Smith]

Ahhh...the good ol days of Meso!

[Phreezer]

bumpity bump bump.. For Bumbles!!!

[Ian Smith]

LOL.... We had some pretty good ones back then.. LOL,,, Im sure that we are the only guys here that can honestly appreciate that... I wish you could find the one where the orphan escaped,, or was it a midget; I just remember it was funny as hell... Was that the peanutbutter one?

[Phreezer]

yeah.. it was

I think that one bit the dust when we migrated to this board in the end of 03'

[thick]

havent seen rod around in ages. Hope his probs are straightened out