Emotional, Upset and dam tired of this!

[Megazoid]

I got a little emotional and upset today when i found some old photos in my garage of me laughing at a B&Q with friends and even some of me with my old girlfriend. I remembered the good times and not these otherwise terrible and terror ridden ones. My smile has been taken away due to varicocele induced atrophy and now low t. Some people wonder why i just don't smile anymore, why i have lost almost all my confidence and why i have been feeling depressed all the time. I feel tired all the time and depressed about 70% of the time. I am not the "old dave" people remember me for. I guess i should stop looking back and look to the future but it's difficult to move on when no one is helping and confusion is setting in.

At present i am unhappy because I have chronic ear pain (which i can only associate with the dry skin caused by the low t and low e2), still some varicocele pain and joint and muscle pain. My face just isn't "oily" anymore and i have noticed skin shedding around my body (like a cat does!).

This all happened because of a varicocele on my left testicle. Not a single person (including the surgeon/radiologist) that did the operation can tell if i will ever get back my original T levels or if my testicle will restore back to normal size. I wasn't given a timeline by anyone. In fact i haven't had ANY help by anyone either at present and this includes my own doctor who is highely unresponsive and unwilling to run any hormone tests or frequent blood work. To him "everything is in my head...". I have tried changing doctors and still no luck!

I am holding out hope because the testicle isn't rock hard (like my undescended one) and isn't pea size. My LH/FSH were normal before surgery and i expect normal now still (i don't feel like complete death). I don't think the varicocele caused tissue death but it's hard to say without running the HCG to see what they are capable of. I was on TRT for maybe a month or two and i didn't notice any further atrophy but i am sure my testicle felt alot softer than normal.

I noticed a dramatic change in my scrotum skin (it has became thinner and stayed like this - it's almost like a lack of blood flow in this area or a DHT problem - like an old man's sack!). This happened before any TRT and the blood flow to the whole testicular area is in general bad i think now due to bad testicular function and low t.

I have two feelings right now. T is low, free T is high. DHT is low and E2 is low. I am getting dry skin which indicates low E2 and also most of the time requiring a lot of stimulation to get it up. This indicates that my T is still low and all that is available is being used to support and keep me alive. I have even noticed dry skin on my penis at times while in the shower, this is very worrying as i never had this before and it's starting to shed on the tip (i think this is coming from the foreskin).

I am getting zero support from endos, urologists (including two "top" urologists in the world), doctors (tried about 5 now) and the only support i am getting is from an anti-aging clinic and this forum. The problem is they can only provide me with either testogel, testim or andromen cream. Also the anti-aging specialist dosen't think my hormone profile will work well with injections, so even self-injections are out the window partly due to the fact i can't get frequent blood work (no labs in scotland). To make matter's worse my own doctor is refusing to run blood work and tell's me with a level of 12nmol i am "normal" and shouldn't have problems.

It's strange because i feel like i am having the same symptoms as guy's that have used proscar with the low DHT. I have never touched any other drugs however and just taking anti-biotics (for the ear infection) and nothing else. I take my daily suppliments and i think they help somewhat. Thanks to masterpp's advice, my varicocele is cleared fully using Vit C, E, D, Fish Oil, Zinc/ZMA, etc.

My situation is very complex. If i run HCG (any dosages) i am going to cause HPTA shutdown (low LH/FSH) and crash. I have no Pit problems. I have no way of monitoring what progress i am making or how responsive i am to HCG. I considered running something between 100/300iu a day but might require up to 500iu 3 times a week.

I have bad eye sight (have to wear glassess) and Clomid/Nolva both have side effects on eye sight/blurring, liver and IGF-1 hormone (not to mention the risk of blood clotting). So that put's that out the window too for restarting!

Going on TRT is only going to cause further testicular shutdown and atrophy and also supress my HPTA somewhat (having said that, the last time on Androgel i didn't shutdown and got decent labs - 25nmol, lh 2.2, fsh 2, etc after almost 2 months of usuage).

Sitting back and "waiting" isn't going to work because i have blood flow problems caused by low T and DHT in the testicular area to start with so i am risking further damage by "leaving it". HCG is needed to restore normal inter-testicular testosterone levels and hopefully serum testosterone levels if the leydig cells are capable. It will show what i am capable of hormone wise I am hoping getting normal testicular size back will put less strain on the veins as the testicle will be support properly by the scrotum like before.

However injecting HCG could make me even worse because my testicles might not be capable of "regenerating" or pumping out enough T! Even more confusion!

I am sitting here feeling helpless and while it's easy for people to sit back and say "get on with it, it's not that bad." i was hoping that when people seen the complete lack of support i am getting they might see how difficult this is becoming. It's putting a strain on me, my family and my friends. My music career is suffering and i am not motivated todo anything anymore.

While looking at thing's logically i am seeing these options:

- Got back on Androgel (50mg) daily and get levels up into the 500/600 range (maybe higher) but feel "good" not "Great". Will suffer skin side effects like before on application site (not terrible, but noticable and painful at times). Get DHT back up and E2 back to normal. Risk further atrophy and HPTA shutdown in the long term. Sometimes ED issues even with AndroGel.

- Go on shots (against everyones opinion - including anti-aging specialist) using something like Test Cyp (which i can get) 100/150mg a week alongside HCG 2/3 times weekly. Risk further shutdown, weight gain/muscle bulk, E2/DHT problems, no way of monitoring, etc.

- Try HCG daily at low dosages (100/125iu) to try and restore testicular function and stimulate the testicles. Again risk even lower T levels if they aren't responsive, E2 problems, HPTA shutdown, no way of monitoring, etc.

- Try 500iu HCG 3 times a week and hope for the best! No way of monitoring except testicular size as a gauge. Could risk E2 problems, even lower T, HPTA shutdown, etc, etc...

- Sit and do nothing and weight for all the nasty low T side effects to kick in. Which it already is!

Hopefully someone can offer a helping hand or some advice regarding what todo. Cheers again guy's!

[Andrew2]

Shit bro, you sound pretty bad off. I feel kinda shitty now from my diet but I know I will feel better in the long run with less fat so I justify it. What was the question in that long passage? Advice? If I were you I would inject test. I would think your mental state would greatly improve. Sounds like that's your biggest problem right now.

[masterpp]

why doesn't your hormone profile suit shots may i ask

just so you know man, you and i had almost the exact same t level. i think you need to get on some trt sharpish

[The_Skeptic]

As far as your dry skin goes, do you use a skin moisturizer? It's not just for women anymore.

Also, fish oil supplements are said to help with dry skin.

[pmgamer18]

Why don't you go and get a blood test to see how things are doing.

Originally Posted by Megazoid

I got a little emotional and upset today when i found some old photos in my garage of me laughing at a B&Q with friends and even some of me with my old girlfriend. I remembered the good times and not these otherwise terrible and terror ridden ones. My smile has been taken away due to varicocele induced atrophy and now low t. Some people wonder why i just don't smile anymore, why i have lost almost all my confidence and why i have been feeling depressed all the time. I feel tired all the time and depressed about 70% of the time. I am not the "old dave" people remember me for. I guess i should stop looking back and look to the future but it's difficult to move on when no one is helping and confusion is setting in.

At present i am unhappy because I have chronic ear pain (which i can only associate with the dry skin caused by the low t and low e2), still some varicocele pain and joint and muscle pain. My face just isn't "oily" anymore and i have noticed skin shedding around my body (like a cat does!).

This all happened because of a varicocele on my left testicle. Not a single person (including the surgeon/radiologist) that did the operation can tell if i will ever get back my original T levels or if my testicle will restore back to normal size. I wasn't given a timeline by anyone. In fact i haven't had ANY help by anyone either at present and this includes my own doctor who is highely unresponsive and unwilling to run any hormone tests or frequent blood work. To him "everything is in my head...". I have tried changing doctors and still no luck!

I am holding out hope because the testicle isn't rock hard (like my undescended one) and isn't pea size. My LH/FSH were normal before surgery and i expect normal now still (i don't feel like complete death). I don't think the varicocele caused tissue death but it's hard to say without running the HCG to see what they are capable of. I was on TRT for maybe a month or two and i didn't notice any further atrophy but i am sure my testicle felt alot softer than normal.

I noticed a dramatic change in my scrotum skin (it has became thinner and stayed like this - it's almost like a lack of blood flow in this area or a DHT problem - like an old man's sack!). This happened before any TRT and the blood flow to the whole testicular area is in general bad i think now due to bad testicular function and low t.

I have two feelings right now. T is low, free T is high. DHT is low and E2 is low. I am getting dry skin which indicates low E2 and also most of the time requiring a lot of stimulation to get it up. This indicates that my T is still low and all that is available is being used to support and keep me alive. I have even noticed dry skin on my penis at times while in the shower, this is very worrying as i never had this before and it's starting to shed on the tip (i think this is coming from the foreskin).

I am getting zero support from endos, urologists (including two "top" urologists in the world), doctors (tried about 5 now) and the only support i am getting is from an anti-aging clinic and this forum. The problem is they can only provide me with either testogel, testim or andromen cream. Also the anti-aging specialist dosen't think my hormone profile will work well with injections, so even self-injections are out the window partly due to the fact i can't get frequent blood work (no labs in scotland). To make matter's worse my own doctor is refusing to run blood work and tell's me with a level of 12nmol i am "normal" and shouldn't have problems.

It's strange because i feel like i am having the same symptoms as guy's that have used proscar with the low DHT. I have never touched any other drugs however and just taking anti-biotics (for the ear infection) and nothing else. I take my daily suppliments and i think they help somewhat. Thanks to masterpp's advice, my varicocele is cleared fully using Vit C, E, D, Fish Oil, Zinc/ZMA, etc.

My situation is very complex. If i run HCG (any dosages) i am going to cause HPTA shutdown (low LH/FSH) and crash. I have no Pit problems. I have no way of monitoring what progress i am making or how responsive i am to HCG. I considered running something between 100/300iu a day but might require up to 500iu 3 times a week.

I have bad eye sight (have to wear glassess) and Clomid/Nolva both have side effects on eye sight/blurring, liver and IGF-1 hormone (not to mention the risk of blood clotting). So that put's that out the window too for restarting!

Going on TRT is only going to cause further testicular shutdown and atrophy and also supress my HPTA somewhat (having said that, the last time on Androgel i didn't shutdown and got decent labs - 25nmol, lh 2.2, fsh 2, etc after almost 2 months of usuage).

Sitting back and "waiting" isn't going to work because i have blood flow problems caused by low T and DHT in the testicular area to start with so i am risking further damage by "leaving it". HCG is needed to restore normal inter-testicular testosterone levels and hopefully serum testosterone levels if the leydig cells are capable. It will show what i am capable of hormone wise I am hoping getting normal testicular size back will put less strain on the veins as the testicle will be support properly by the scrotum like before.

However injecting HCG could make me even worse because my testicles might not be capable of "regenerating" or pumping out enough T! Even more confusion!

I am sitting here feeling helpless and while it's easy for people to sit back and say "get on with it, it's not that bad." i was hoping that when people seen the complete lack of support i am getting they might see how difficult this is becoming. It's putting a strain on me, my family and my friends. My music career is suffering and i am not motivated todo anything anymore.

While looking at thing's logically i am seeing these options:

- Got back on Androgel (50mg) daily and get levels up into the 500/600 range (maybe higher) but feel "good" not "Great". Will suffer skin side effects like before on application site (not terrible, but noticable and painful at times). Get DHT back up and E2 back to normal. Risk further atrophy and HPTA shutdown in the long term. Sometimes ED issues even with AndroGel.

- Go on shots (against everyones opinion - including anti-aging specialist) using something like Test Cyp (which i can get) 100/150mg a week alongside HCG 2/3 times weekly. Risk further shutdown, weight gain/muscle bulk, E2/DHT problems, no way of monitoring, etc.

- Try HCG daily at low dosages (100/125iu) to try and restore testicular function and stimulate the testicles. Again risk even lower T levels if they aren't responsive, E2 problems, HPTA shutdown, no way of monitoring, etc.

- Try 500iu HCG 3 times a week and hope for the best! No way of monitoring except testicular size as a gauge. Could risk E2 problems, even lower T, HPTA shutdown, etc, etc...

- Sit and do nothing and weight for all the nasty low T side effects to kick in. Which it already is!

Hopefully someone can offer a helping hand or some advice regarding what todo. Cheers again guy's!

[EndoMan]

Go get blood tests on your own. There are many on-line sites for this.
You sound like you are primary, so HCG won't help at all.
You may have to get on injections and get a fake set of boys installed.
Get E2 checked too.

[EndoMan]

Go get blood tests on your own. There are many on-line sites for this.
You sound like you are primary, so HCG won't help at all.
You may have to get on injections and get a fake set of boys installed.
Get E2 checked too.

[Megazoid]

I don't think i am full primary though because my LH/FSH are normal and somedays i feel "ok". I think it's a similar case to what body builders get when there nut's are atrphied and test is low. I need to recover from this atrophy and get thing's "hanging as normal" so blood flow is improved and the testicles have a chance of working. My testicles aren't pea size (but they are under an inch). They appeared "normal" on the ultrasound so i am still holding out hope. Once they are hanging as normal i feel i will be ok in the long run. I am considering running either HCG 250iu once a day or 500iu HCG 3 times a week. What do other's think?

[dioje787]

Have you ever had your adrenals really looked into????

[JanSz]

Originally Posted by dioje787

Have you ever had your adrenals really looked into????

By now you know, all the talking is good but without blood tests there is no go.
Post link where you listed your complete blood test.
complete blood work from reputable laboratory
adrenals
thyroid
T, FreeT, E2, Albumin, SHGB, all the works, as good doctor would have ordered.

then we can have a shot at finding solution for you.