Whats the point?

[Megazoid]

It's the first time in months i've sat down and thought about this whole hypogonadism situation and really what i am dealing with here. I tend not to 'dwell' on thing's too much but life hasn't been easy for me in any way over the past 23 years. From childhood to teenage years have been nothing but surgery after surgery to fix my eyes, ears and other body parts (removing birth marks among other things). People used to joke i was made of spare parts, but for the first time in my life i am starting to believe this.

My entire teenage life was an endless cycle of bullying that never seemed to stop (even up until now). I guess everyone was made to feel a victim at some stage in life but as most of my friend's would say, i did get a little more than other's just because i looked a little different from everyone else.

Even now it's impossible for me to walk down the street without someone hurling some kind of abuse at me. I get verbal bullying on a daily basis, i can be walking down the street and a guy in his late twenties (or even older) will walk past, turn round and call me "ugly" or "a geek" for no reason at all. These kind of event's didn't effect me much up until now because i knew i had skills in other areas of life.

I haven't been hypogondal all my life but it's assumed my testosterone never "spiked" as it should to fully complete puberty (to make matter's worse i was born with an undescended testicle - hence the low testosterone now). This whole hypogonadism thing is just a recent thing with me but i can't deal with it anymore and don't really want to either.

13 Week's ago i was a healthy, active and happy young guy with his life goals set and ready to take on the world. I enjoyed simple pleasures in life such as programming and composing music. I've never been much of a dating guy though i do enjoy taking a girl out and spending time with them. I've had two serious relationships in my entire life and both went pretty well. I had a good "get up and go" attitude and my sex life was decent overall. I had morning erections all the time and powerful, easy to maintain erections when needed. I was also pretty happy about how thing's were "hanging" down below. I was never the biggest guy by any means but i was a good bit above the average size when erect.

All my life i've only had one fully functioning testicle but it did me well in my teenage years, i made sure it was always well protected until my father managed to 'catch' me wrong when moving a ladder (i still hold him responsible for this - not making matter's easier for me). The back of the end ladder "hooked" my testicle and caused a large varicocele to form on my only functional testicle, after this all the hypogondal symptoms came along with with progressive testicular shrinkage also. In this period i went through what can only be described as complete hell. Everyday was a living nightmare and i thought about suicide alot during this time. My whole life was knocked upside down. Simple thing's such as programming were becoming difficult because my concentration and even eye sight just didn't seem right.

During this period i watched my own body slowly go down hill. I noticed fat increase on my abdomen, legs and arms and my penis shrinking when flaccid. This was pretty worrying in itself and was really effecting my mental state. Erections almost instantly halted and morning erection's stopped all together too. My ability to concentrate was also taken away from me and this effected my work flow and goals i was working towards.

The problem was made worse by the fact that no doctors or urologist took my situation serious and offered no help. After about eight week's of torture i managed to get the cash to visit an anti-aging doctor after travelling 6 hour's in a car to meet him.

After finding out my levels had dropped way down I got put on Androgel and thought thing's would start working out for me. After two week's i was getting some bad reactions on my skin and body in general and was switched too Andromen cream. I was told to apply this to the scrotum. I did this for a few day's then started noticing a really bad rash and skin "tearing" on the scrotum skin. I called my doctor and explain this and he wanted to switch me to some oral trt but i refused (i didn't want to get liver problems). He said i could try Testim instead. I have heard this is alot better than Androgel and guy's get better results. I thought this would be the perfect one for me (made in Scotland too).

I decided to stay off the TRT for a few day's to clean out my system before starting the new testim gel. This way i can monitor any reactions more closely. I went for 4/5 day's without TRT to clean out my system. I didn't feel too bad but still not my old self.

Tonight i decided to try out the Testim. I applied it to one single arm (upper) and within a few second's i noticed a rash forming with some little red blood spots. I got pretty upset, i don't want to be doing this TRT stuff full stop but for every single cream not to work i feel i should take the hint with life in general.

I guess i am going to have to accept that i won't get my old life back and my friend's and family will never see the old upbeat Dave again. I don't feel myself at all because of these changes (both mental and physical) and i am sick and tired of doing this TRT stuff at 23 year's old when i had near perfect health for the past ten year's of my life. I guess everyone get's down with this but it seem's nothing ever work's out well for me. I really did get a bad hand!

I have to visit a urologist on tuesday to see about getting varicocele surgery to maybe "reverse" the testicular shrinkage and get my own levels back up. I already know based on my previous "luck" that this won't be enough to bring my levels back up and that thing's will never get better. It's been left too long now and i can't see thing's changing anytime soon. You don't get back lost penis size either.

For the first time in a few months i am depressed and sick of everything. While i know the "medical" reasons behind the testicles being on the outside of the body; the fact is the body has a bad design with regards to this. The fact a single "knock" can do so much to a person is beyond me and always will be.

I am going to hold off until i see this urologist on tuesday, but i am not holding out much hope. If anyone here knew me they would know that "luck" (or hope for that matter) simply don't happen for me. I am going to wait until my 24th birthday but if thing's aren't better by then my decision is already made. I can only "hope" that i might come back as someone with a bit more luck and a better life!

[onenut]

I don't know what your experience with injections are, but you don't need functioning testicles to be fully functional. I had one testicle removed 12 years ago and will most likely need to have the remaining one removed sometime in the next 6 months (due to extreme pain). My remaining testicle is shut down and I am injecting 100mg of test cyp every 5 days. I haven't felt this good in 10 years. My stomach fat is melting away, my outlook on life is good, and my sex life is awesome.

I will opt for prosthetic tesicles if and when the remove righty.

There are options out there............Hang in there

[JanSz]

Sice you cannot use transdermal, there are two other ways for you to get Testosterone going.

Shots and pellets.
From what I see lately, pellets maybe the way to go for long term solution.
You have this varicocele fixing in front of you.
I am not sure, but you may want to be on T shots and HCG, watching your testicle after the varicocele is removed, and if it works then slowly reducing your T shots.
Pellets only if you sure of the testicle status.
OTOH, pellets last only 3-4 months and then taper down, you may have build in down-regulation.
So T pellets plus HCG plus varicocele surgery shortly afterward may be you choice.

The fact that you are allergic to transdermal T application may be tellig something, check with doc that specialize in allergy.

Take 20mg Cialis, split in half, use this two half pills weekly. That will keep your pines exercised,
will prevent scar tissiue buildup.

What kind music are you composing?
If it is something danceable I would love to hear it?
To get my aerobics exercise I dance, ballroom, Hustle, Salsa, WCS.

[jb55638]

Wow, I have had a very similar experience with hypogonadism. Although, mine was my fault, not my fathers, and I am taking nolva now with decent results compared to how I felt before. I like the cilalis idea too, but I don't know where to get it for cheap? Any body willing to help me out can PM me on a cialis source.